This reflection summarises some of the remaining data from my APR and includes my presentation slides.
There was a repetitive reference to emotional support, and I suppose this was loaded in the research question itself, as I brought up the question of tears in the classroom. Several of the participants identified that there was a rise in student anxiety and different instances of students crying in the classroom. One participant recalled an instance of cultural sensitivity, and someone crying about the mention of colonial history, they also recalled how they often found themselves apologising in the instances when people did cry. Another participant stated that they had sought therapy from a combination of dealing with student’s issues, identifying how their pastoral duty was taking a toll on their own mental health. Another participant expressed how they felt very awkward when students started to cry in the classroom. Most of the participants identified the need to receive some more support with this aspect of the job, particularly as conversations about feelings and emotions have become more apparent in the classroom. Several of the participants identified how in order to mitigate this, they often deferred back to the taught materials, hoping to dilute emotional responses, because there was both a lack of time, and they did not know how to moderate such discussions.
Another emerging theme was around teaching as a performance, seeing as we are part of an education system that has socially conditioned us to think about the teacher-student relationship through a relation of authority. Thus the very practice of being at the front of the classroom, at the podium, has conditioned students to not only listen, but to absorb the knowledge of the speaker – the teacher. And there are pros and cons to that relationship. On the one hand, we can rely on the fact that the students will abide by this disciplinary conditioning, and to some extent listen, but on the other hand, there are stereotypes of what this teacher should look. For marginalised people who do not fit the look of older white man, this becomes complicated, because part of our performance seeks to gain the authority of not fitting the conventional profile. One participant remarked that there were assumptions that a ‘serious academic doesn’t pay attention to what they wear’ and that there was an expectation of a certain level of self-surveillance. I think this conversation was important and contributed to my ARP by identifying that our own relationship and experiences with authority shaped how we moderated the classroom.
Finally, two of the participants, and three, including myself, identified how ritual practices, or repetitive practices lent to more robust discussions, because students not only had an expectation and anticipation of what a rich conversation was, but by attending classes in a specific environment, with the same people, with a certain set of regulations, they had a responsibility toward the materials, and their fellow classmates – gaining empathy, but also a sense of familiarity in order to disagree (if they wanted to).